Learning to rest
Today would be Dad's 76th birthday.
This will be his first birthday I will not be able to spend with him. There are days when the realization that he is no longer here just hits me like a punch to the gut. Today is one of those days.
He was a great man. If you knew him you, know I am not exaggerating. If you didn't know him, ask me about him...I can talk for days about Dad. Dad, and my four girls...if you get me started on any of them I won't stop.
I still miss him. I miss his smile, so warm and honest. I miss him calling out of the blue just to talk. I miss meeting him for lunch or a cup of coffee. I miss watching and talking Chiefs football with him. Yes, I still miss him, and I am confident that will never stop. I think that is evidence of what a wonderful dad he was.
But honestly, I do not want to stop missing him. My journey now is not to get over his passing. My journey now is learning to rest.
There is a beautiful song by Don and Lori Chaffer called "Learning How To Rest" (I stole Don's title for this post). You can find the lyrics on the Waterdeep website (https://www.waterdeep.com/old-stuff-lyrics), and they also have an audio file of the song (https://www.waterdeep.com/new-album-2). I encourage you to take a listen, it will bless your. Don has a masterful talent with words, and when Lori joins in the chorus it takes my breath.
I don't know the story behind the song, but it speaks to me in a very personal manner. The verses, for me, paint a specific and vivid picture of seeking Christ in the midst of chaos and confusion. They describe an individual being overwhelmed by the crowds and busyness of life as they struggle to get close to Jesus. And eventually describes the despair and loneliness after his death. But the chorus, oh what a hopeful chorus:
You said to me,
Come away by yourself to a lonely place for a while.
Well, I'm sure you're tired
you know, I cannot even see your smile.
There's just too much confusion here
why don't you come and be with me.
I asked you where are we going,
You simply told me that I'd be free.
Find a lonely place. For me it's a walking trail at night under the stars. For you it may be on your porch, or in your bedroom, or your favorite chair, on your bike, or driving in your car down an old dirt road, anywhere you can go and be by yourself for awhile. I love my lonely place...because I am not alone. My walks by myself are where God speaks to me and comforts me. I think, I pray, I laugh (honestly, I laugh out loud at times), and I cry.
But mostly I am learning to rest. To rest in the multitude of memories of my Dad. To rest in the life lessons he taught. To rest in the example he set. To rest in the comfort that my father on earth is with my Father in Heaven.
Happy Birthday Dad...talk to you on the trails tonight.
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