I did not know it would be this hard.

I did not know it would be this hard.

The days leading up I knew if would be different and difficult, but not this hard.

This is my first Father’s Day without dad and it was more than I expected. I’m reminded of when we said our last goodbyes at the Hospice House. Mom, Pat, and Lynn stepped out of the room, but I could not leave. I hugged him and a well of tears came out. I just remember saying I’m not ready for you to leave! Tonight those same tears came back and I just wish he was here.

Even in his absence I continue to try and learn from him. Today I could not help but think back on what it must of been like for him that first Father’s Day he had after Grandpa passed. I wish I could go back and give an extra big hug that day. I know that day was a transition for him. No longer being able to spend Father’s Day with his dad, but focusing on celebrating with his kids.

Today was my first day of that transition. And the girl’s knowingly or unknowingly helped to make that transition with me. They sat next to me as we listened to Pastor Chad’s sermon on fathers. What a blessing it was to be with them for that. After a casual lunch and afternoon we spent the evening watching Kenna play sand volleyball in the church league. I was again reminded of being her age and playing church volleyball and softball with dad. It was a wonderful evening together with the whole family.

Those last few weeks dad was in the hospital I would go to the track every night and walk and pray. Those quiet times talking with God as the sun would set were what got me through those difficult days…that and my family. Tonight I went back to the same track to walk and pray. At one time I looked over and saw the empty stands and just wished dad was there. He is not, but they reminded me of all the times in my life he was in those stands. For my soccer games and track meets, for Pat and Lynnlea’s games, for all the grandkids games.

I took this picture to remind me, not that the stands are empty now, but of all the times of my life he filled the stands. The sunset reminds me not that the day is over or that he is gone, but that a new day is coming and we will be reunited in God’s glory together again.

Happy Father’s to the best father I have ever known.

Love you dad.