I Believe...

Today would be Dad's 76th birthday. This will be his first birthday I will not be able to spend with him. There are days when the realization that he is no longer here just hits me like a punch to the gut. Today is one of those days. He was a great man. If you knew him you, know I am not exaggerating. If you didn't know him, ask me about him...I can talk for days about Dad. Dad, and my four girls...if you get me started on any of them I won't stop. I still miss him. I miss his smile, so warm and honest. I miss him calling out of the blue just to talk. I miss meeting him for lunch or a cup of coffee. I miss watching and talking Chiefs football with him. Yes, I still miss him, and I am confident that will never stop. I think that is evidence of what a wonderful dad he was. But honestly, I do not want to stop missing him. My journey now is not to get over his passing. My journey now is learning to rest. There is a beautiful song by Don and Lori Chaffer called "Learning Ho...

Zephaniah 3:17 is my favorite Bible verse: The Lord your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior. He will rejoice over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy. I have always read this with a picture of a father considering his child. Maybe it's because I have a natural tendency to view the parent/child relationship God has with us. But, I think it is also reinforced in this passage by the prophet's earlier use of the phrases 'Daughter Zion' and 'Daughter Jerusalem'. There a so many things in this verse that bring comfort to me, for example "God is in your midst". We have times of despair and loneliness that are unescapable...it is the tragic reality of an imperfect world. And often during these times I have heard, and I have said, "God is with you". But I think the idea that "God is in my midst" is more powerful than "God is with me". It paints for me a picture of Him not ...

While on my walk, listening to my playlist, two songs came on back to back that reminded me of my beautiful wife. 77s “This Is The Way Love Is” and Cat Steven’s “Hard Headed Women”. When I gave up, you held up When I ran out, you filled me up When I kept runnin', you kept up When I let you down, you lifted me up When I couldn't find the words, you understood When I didn't find the time, you were in no hurry When I wouldn't make ends meet, you tied them together When I cheated, you kept to the rules This is the way love is I'm looking for a hard headed woman One who'll take me for myself And if I find my hard headed woman I won't need nobody else. I'm looking for a hard headed woman One who'll make me do my best And if I find my hard headed woman I know the rest of my life will be blessed When I hear these lyrics I am reminded at once of her immense patience and forgiveness and at the same time her unwavering commitment to what is right. It seems we h...

I did not know it would be this hard. The days leading up I knew if would be different and difficult, but not this hard. This is my first Father’s Day without dad and it was more than I expected. I’m reminded of when we said our last goodbyes at the Hospice House. Mom, Pat, and Lynn stepped out of the room, but I could not leave. I hugged him and a well of tears came out. I just remember saying I’m not ready for you to leave! Tonight those same tears came back and I just wish he was here. Even in his absence I continue to try and learn from him. Today I could not help but think back on what it must of been like for him that first Father’s Day he had after Grandpa passed. I wish I could go back and give an extra big hug that day. I know that day was a transition for him. No longer being able to spend Father’s Day with his dad, but focusing on celebrating with his kids. Today was my first day of that transition. And the girl’s knowingly or unknowingly helped to make that transition with ...